Kalos Kai Agathos

It's what the Greeks call a singular balance of the good and the beautiful. I want that. In a dangerous way.

I've been reading "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert for weeks. Usually I can speed through a book in a matter of days. This one is different. So many people recommended this book to me that I finally decided to give in. I watched the movie first (I know, I know..cardinal sin)...and I was not impressed. But, because so many have made connections from the book to my own journey, I decided to give it a chance. So far, I'm pleasantly surprised. Every few pages I read, I find myself getting inspired. On the flip side, it's almost haunting to read because of how similar my experiences have been over the last year. The crying on the bathroom floor described in the first chapter? Yep, that was me. More than once. The tearful question of "Is this really my life?" Again, that was me last summer. I picked the book back up tonight for the first time since I've been in Hawaii. Almost immediately, I was inspired to open my laptop and write because of one simple quote.

"...both pleasure and devotion require a stress-free space in which to flourish and I'd been living in a giant trash compactor of nonstop anxiety. As for how to balance the urge for pleasure against the longing for devotion...well, surely there was a way to learn that trick."

Whoever can teach me the trick to learning that lesson will be my hero. Taking cues from the book, I've taken a step in the right direction. I'm not quite as brave as the author, who describes her dreams of learning Italian and traveling to Italy, meeting with her religious guru in India and to top it off...teaching English to an old medicine man in Bali. I'm perfectly happy and content with my journey that has led me to Hawaii. Before deciding to move here, I bought a book about the island of Oahu. I've been a few times, but never had to think about anything except for lounging by the beach with a cocktail in each hand. The plane ride over here this time was different. Over the course of the 8 hour plane ride (and many adult beverages later...), I had a mental list of everything I wanted to do while living here. I don't know where I inherited this gene, but I have a knack for choosing life-threatening activities. Skydiving (again), scuba diving, swimming with sharks, learning to surf, kayaking, night time snorkeling, etc. Call me crazy, but I'm going to try and experience everything I possibly can while I'm here. Lately, I've been feeling a little homesick, so I keep reminding myself of how lucky I am to be here. Not many people can say they've got to explore an island so beautiful for months on end. I left a lot back in Texas. A LOT. I know it sounds cheesy, but after the year I've had (actually the past 6 years, but who's counting?), I feel the need to "find myself" again. I lost who I was in a bad relationship. I want to do something for me, figure out what I want and prepare myself to eventually move on from this adventure as a new person.

In the midst of the past few months, I've had so many people offer advice (most of which, I appreciate..haha). If there's anything I can pass on, it's this: Do what makes YOU happy. Don't care what other people think. Don't be afraid of change; it's necessary in order to grow. Believe in yourself when no one else does. Have faith. Smile, even when you feel you can't. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Pray honestly. Cry when you need to. But most of all...trust in love again...and don't be afraid to fall.

Maybe one day I'll figure out how to balance the good and the beautiful. Right now, in this very moment, I'm just happy to be out of the "giant trash compactor of nonstop anxiety." I'm definitely headed in the right direction. It's just going to take some time to get there. And in the meantime... living life, fulfilling dreams and being coined a gypsy can't be topped.

Aloha :)