"Book 'Em Danno..."

So...I got a job. Kinda, sorta...in a round-about way. When I decided to move to Hawaii, I started researching a few talent agencies in the Honolulu area to see what was available in the way of work. I did some modeling throughout high school, but...truth be told, I haven't been in front of a camera since then. I had my doubts about even trying to do anything in this industry again. Honestly, I'm much more interested in the behind-the-scenes work. But, I knew it was a way to make a little bit of extra money if need be since I'd be moving here without a job. So, I started contacting different agencies and submitting snapshots. I started remembering some of the movies and tv shows that are filmed here and the wheels really started turning. Hawaii Five-O came to mind almost immediately. I found an agency here who casts for extra work (she did casting for "Lost" throughout its reign), so I sent in the necessary information and waited. And waited. And waited.

Finally, I got an email last week with news of a meet-and-greet today. I told a handful of people I'd be going..mainly for good measure (I needed a few people to cross their fingers for me!)...and whatever prayers or good luck charms they sent my way worked. Granted, it might only be a few episodes. Who knows. They film from now through springtime, which is perfect timing. Extra work is very sporadic. It's all about who the casting director is looking to use in any given scene. And, I may only be noticable on camera for a few seconds. But, I look at this as a learning experience and an amazing opportunity. Finally...a ray of light in what has been a pretty difficult transition. I'm excited to do this. They asked if I was available Monday and I practically ran the poor casting girl over with my enthusiasm. So, what turned out to be an idea to "make some extra cash" actually has me super excited.

My stepmom has encouraged me throughout this move to "do something for myself." No matter what it is...do something that makes me happy. Learn and experience new things. Don't focus on what (or who) you left behind in Texas. If those things in Texas are meant to be, they'll still be there when this chapter of my life comes to a close. But right now, at this very moment, I'm finally starting to see what she has been trying to teach me. Happiness isn't found in friends or in a man. It's found when you finally find yourself and do something for you. This opportunity might seem insignificant to many. It's nothing too special and nothing to brag about by any means. But, for the first time in a long time, I went out on my own and went after something I wanted and didn't care what other people thought. And it's made me realize that maybe, just maybe, there's a reason I'm here.

A sweet friend of mine posted a quote on her Facebook page
today that was so inspiring that I wanted to share it...

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

I love it...couldn't be more fitting for me right now. Absolutely perfect.

Kalos Kai Agathos

It's what the Greeks call a singular balance of the good and the beautiful. I want that. In a dangerous way.

I've been reading "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert for weeks. Usually I can speed through a book in a matter of days. This one is different. So many people recommended this book to me that I finally decided to give in. I watched the movie first (I know, I know..cardinal sin)...and I was not impressed. But, because so many have made connections from the book to my own journey, I decided to give it a chance. So far, I'm pleasantly surprised. Every few pages I read, I find myself getting inspired. On the flip side, it's almost haunting to read because of how similar my experiences have been over the last year. The crying on the bathroom floor described in the first chapter? Yep, that was me. More than once. The tearful question of "Is this really my life?" Again, that was me last summer. I picked the book back up tonight for the first time since I've been in Hawaii. Almost immediately, I was inspired to open my laptop and write because of one simple quote.

"...both pleasure and devotion require a stress-free space in which to flourish and I'd been living in a giant trash compactor of nonstop anxiety. As for how to balance the urge for pleasure against the longing for devotion...well, surely there was a way to learn that trick."

Whoever can teach me the trick to learning that lesson will be my hero. Taking cues from the book, I've taken a step in the right direction. I'm not quite as brave as the author, who describes her dreams of learning Italian and traveling to Italy, meeting with her religious guru in India and to top it off...teaching English to an old medicine man in Bali. I'm perfectly happy and content with my journey that has led me to Hawaii. Before deciding to move here, I bought a book about the island of Oahu. I've been a few times, but never had to think about anything except for lounging by the beach with a cocktail in each hand. The plane ride over here this time was different. Over the course of the 8 hour plane ride (and many adult beverages later...), I had a mental list of everything I wanted to do while living here. I don't know where I inherited this gene, but I have a knack for choosing life-threatening activities. Skydiving (again), scuba diving, swimming with sharks, learning to surf, kayaking, night time snorkeling, etc. Call me crazy, but I'm going to try and experience everything I possibly can while I'm here. Lately, I've been feeling a little homesick, so I keep reminding myself of how lucky I am to be here. Not many people can say they've got to explore an island so beautiful for months on end. I left a lot back in Texas. A LOT. I know it sounds cheesy, but after the year I've had (actually the past 6 years, but who's counting?), I feel the need to "find myself" again. I lost who I was in a bad relationship. I want to do something for me, figure out what I want and prepare myself to eventually move on from this adventure as a new person.

In the midst of the past few months, I've had so many people offer advice (most of which, I appreciate..haha). If there's anything I can pass on, it's this: Do what makes YOU happy. Don't care what other people think. Don't be afraid of change; it's necessary in order to grow. Believe in yourself when no one else does. Have faith. Smile, even when you feel you can't. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Pray honestly. Cry when you need to. But most of all...trust in love again...and don't be afraid to fall.

Maybe one day I'll figure out how to balance the good and the beautiful. Right now, in this very moment, I'm just happy to be out of the "giant trash compactor of nonstop anxiety." I'm definitely headed in the right direction. It's just going to take some time to get there. And in the meantime... living life, fulfilling dreams and being coined a gypsy can't be topped.

Aloha :)

The Stars At Night...Are Big And Bright...

Deep in the Heart of Texas...

It's my last day in Texas. I've never had a more bittersweet feeling in my life. I spent most of yesterday wiping running mascara off my face as the tears wouldn't stop. I feel like I've been saying my goodbyes for weeks. Actually, I guess I have. But, yesterday was particularly difficult. I finally realized as I watched my 4Runner get loaded onto an 18-wheeler bound for Long Beach, California that this is really happening. Never in my life would I have imagined I'd be packing up and taking such a risk. With that said, I know for right now it's the best decision I can make. I only have a small window of time to take this opportunity, and the last thing I want to do is live life with regret. I might get there and fail. I might get there and wish for the simple life in Midland, Texas. But, I could also get there and love it. I'll never know unless I try. I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine-- he said something that has stuck with me ever since. He said I might make a decision and fall flat on my face but the good news is...I can stand up, dust myself off and say I gave it my all. I got a tattoo several months ago that means more to me now then it did when I got it. It's a quote by Marilyn Monroe.

"You never know what life is like until you have lived it."

So, I'm gonna live it. And live it well.

To my Texas friends and family...you are my heart. You mean more to me then you'll ever know. I'll treasure the times we spent together and the memories we made. And I already look forward to the day when I can see you all again. Please don't hesitate to make it sooner rather than later...Hawaii is an incredible place to visit!

And to a certain someone (you know who you are)...thank you for being you and for making the past couple of months incredible. I'll be seeing you soon... :)